the_way_it_be

'You must have a lot of spare time
To put down the words that you write
But no one cares
You should put your mind to rest’

          (Kisschasey, ‘Opinions won’t keep you warm at night’)

 

Despite that opening, with a less-than-inspirational quote, I am going to continue putting words down anyway, regardless of whether people care or not because I’m feeling better and it’s quite therapeutic…..

 

I’m fairly sure that the average person doesn’t spend too much time thinking about who they are and the life they are living. Certainly, many people in the world don’t even have the luxury of focussing on their mental well-being, but are instead just trying to physically survive from day to day.

I really wish, quite often, that I wasn’t constantly self-analysing and overthinking life all the time, but just getting on with living it. However, in the process of living I am inclined to think. What can I say, I’m a thinking sort of person (except when it comes to useful deep thinking and understanding of things like microbiology, quantum physics, etc).

 

Anyway, so I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about who I am and have generally been trying to get myself out of this cycle of negativity and depression that I’ve found myself in for the last few years. I would say the new Meds have definitely helped, if only to enable me to get to a stage where now I can actually (for the most part) implement /believe the stuff that I’m supposed to have been thinking the whole time! Eg. Live your life by your own standards, don’t compare yourself to others, etc.

 

It’s time, I think, for a couple of versus from ‘THE’ song that appeals to anyone feeling depressed, ‘The Middle’ by Jimmy Eat World:

 

‘Don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out,
Or looked down on.
Just try your best,
Try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away.

………………

You know you're doing better on your own,
So don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough
For someone else.’

In the wise words of Oscar Wilde: ‘Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.’ Very true.

Indeed, you can’t compare yourself to others because everyone is an individual on their own individual ‘path’ with issues they must confront and deal with the best they can. And while I am a fan, at times, of making broad, sweeping generalizations about groups of people, I know full well you can’t pigeon-hole people based on one aspect of their personality or lifestyle. For instance, I’m a bit of a greenie. But you couldn’t put me in the ‘hippy’ category because I also do a lot of un-hippy things (eg. watch massive amounts of TV, drive a car, use supermarket-bought soap). There are many different facets to people’s personalities and lives, everyone has strengths and limitations, good and bad qualities. Good qualities can also sometimes be bad ones, and ‘bad’ ones can also be good ones. Eg.I’m over-sensitive which is usually not so good, but at the same time it allows me to be sensitive towards other people’s feelings and to have more compassion in some situations than someone who isn’t sensitive.

 

In the past, I haven’t been particularly good at accepting my limitations and disappointments, but I am slowly learning to do so. Everyone is only human. No-one is ‘better’ than anyone else, and as John Butler Trio say, ‘Life’s not about what’s better than.’ I don’t excel at anything in particular. Maybe one day I will, but really I’d like to strive just to be competent (‘mediocrity in a world of excellence’?) at what I do and be a generally nice person. I was heading down a path of bitterness and resentment, but that is not who I am or what I want to be, so changing my thinking was/is necessary. Besides, I have enough trouble making/keeping friends without being a bitter and twisted bitch! As Kisschasey also state, in the song quoted earlier: ‘Sometimes, days are like this and you don't agree with what you see’ They continue ‘But I will never let the bitter things you say ever get to me.’ I am going to try my best not to be that bitter, jealous person losing their friends anymore!

 

So learning to let things go is very important and beneficial, even if it’s not easy. I am prone to opening old wounds (both mental AND physical wounds, particularly mosquito bites.) and tend to get depressed/stressed about things that have happened in the past that shouldn’t still get to me. People need to learn from their mistakes, move along, and keep living. There are some things you really do have to just ‘walk away’ from. I’ve never been particularly good at knowing, in the words of The Gambler, ‘when to hold ‘em, when to fold ‘em, when to walk away, and when to RUN!’ Needless to say, I’m pretty bad at playing Poker.

 

And as the Pacifier song says, ‘life’s supposed to ebb and flow’ and sometimes times aren’t great or you’ve made a mistake, but that’s the ‘ebb’ and at other times life’s not too bad and just ‘flows.’ Ah metaphors.

 

Also it would seem that a major rule for survival (for any species really!) is to be a bit selfish. Not in the negative sense of the word, because obviously we need to consider others, being the social creatures we are. I just mean that the sooner you realise you can rely on no-one but yourself, the better. Like THE (Middle) song says, ‘You’re doing better on your own.’ At the end of the day we are living our own lives and making our own choices and should never be too dependent on anyone or anything else, or concern ourselves too much with what other people are choosing to do with their lives (provided it’s not harming anyone else!) Ultimately to survive we don’t need anyone else, though it is nice to have social interaction, and of course many people working together provide for society’s needs as a whole. But putting too many expectations on anyone else will usually result in severe disappointment! Yes, the world is full of lonely people, even people in relationships are still single individuals that feel alone at times. Even in a room full of friends you can still be alone!

 

I guess all you can hope for is to live a good life in your own view, whatever that may be, and to achieve some form of contentment for the most part, instead of having negativity and self-doubt and depression as the norm. Being tolerant and compassionate towards others and at the same time focussing on what’s best for you….

Remembering, in the words of Theodore Roosevelt: ‘Do what you can, with what you have,

where you are.’ I am this person, in this society, in this day-in-age, with such qualities and limitations, likes and dislikes, values and beliefs that may or may not be similar to others around me but I’m still equal to everyone as a human. Hopefully I’m a good person, and I’m going to be OK!

And a final favourite quote from the John Butler Trio: ‘I guess that’s just the way it be, is it the world, or how I see me?’

 

While studying Sustainable Development at Uni we heard a lot about the Triple Bottom-Line, the 3 factors that should always be considered: Environmental, Economic and Social aspects. All well and good in theory, but as it turns out, very idealistic. This is because in practice there is only a Single Bottom-Line, and that is Economy, or to put it more simply: MONEY!

The Environment is the first to get thrown out of the Triple Bottom-Line equation. Social factors will be considered (eg. the job potential of developments, but these too will be ignored if they get in the way of making profits).

 

I am of course, referring to the recent decision of the Federal and State Government to let Gorgon go ahead with plans to build a massive gas processing plant, on Barrow Island off North-West Western Australia.

Barrow Island is an A-Class Reserve, and has been since 1910. It is a habitat for many endangered animals (including mammals, birds and reptiles, both terrestrial and marine) and plants, that have become extinct on the mainland. Gorgon already have oil bores/pumps on the island, which have been the subject of contention for years, as even this amount of industrial activity has had adverse affects on the natural eco-system. That the Government should allow ANY development on an A-Class Reserve seems to defeat the purpose of even having such a classification. Yet then to allow even MORE development on an already potentially compromised environment is absolutely wrong in my opinion. Even the Environmental Protection Agency didn’t recommend the Gorgon Project, but their expert opinions were ignored and the Project has been given the go-ahead regardless.

 

"Given the very high environmental and unique conservation values of Barrow Island, which are reflected in its status as a Class-A Nature Reserve, it is the view of the EPA that, as a matter of principle, industry should not be located on a nature reserve and specifically not on Barrow Island," Dr Vogel said. (Chairman of EPA WA)

 

As for the Government s arguments: OK, I get it, we need the gas. Unfortunately, we’re all massive consumers in the 21^st Century,  the population is still growing and needs to be provided for, and Australia needs to be able to compete successfully in the global economy. It may also be true that there have been significant improvements in the way the processing of fossil fuels is done and how the industry is regulated. BUT all this aside, why does it have to be on Barrow Island?! Couldn’t the project have been located elsewhere in the area, on the mainland maybe? As The Greens and the EPA have stated, though no development will be without negative impacts, there are better alternatives than locating such a project on an island of such environmental importance!

 

Gorgon’s arguments may include that they’ve been managing oil/gas production on Barrow Island for awhile now. But why push it with further development? Just because the ecosystems have ‘handled’ the changes so far is no reason to keep going until environmental limits have been absolutely reached and irreversible damage is done. The Gorgon Project is going to be detrimental to the island, no matter how stringent the development conditions are, and no matter how much money the company ‘puts back’ in to fauna/flora research. Really, not much research needs to be done, the facts are already there and the best option is to leave Barrow Island alone and not endanger its ecosystems any further!

 

The Premier has apparently no idea of the value of the biodiversity of the area, and has made simple/ignorant comments along the lines of it ‘not being a remarkable area of the the Kimberley coast.’ He has also fallen back on the Economic and Social factors to justify neglecting the Environmental concerns: creating money and jobs for Indigenous people of the area. I’ll believe it when I see it. It’ll probably be everyone BUT the Indigenous people making money off the project, with lots of ‘Fly-In, Fly-Out’ employees from elsewhere as usual.

 

Several of my friends from Uni now work as Environmental Consultants and have clients like mining companies and land developers. While I agree that consultants are helping to achieve a more sustainable way of doing something that is clearly going to go ahead anyway, I just don’t think I could do the job. It’s much too disheartening to know that no matter what, the Environment always seem to come off second best (or worse!), despite all our best efforts and recommendations. So it appears we are meant to scrap everything we learned at Uni about sustainable development’s considerations of the Triple Bottom Line. Clearly, there’s no such thing.

I have discovered I am actually allergic to Facebook.

 

An allergic reaction is defined as: an over-response to something that would not normally cause a reaction. And this is exactly what occurs when I visit Facebook.

In this case, it is an emotional over-response to things such as other people’s status updates, comments and conversations, happy snaps, etc that would not normally cause such a devastating response. However, my mind reacts with an excess of  negative emotion (jealousy, disappointment, frustration, loneliness to name a few) and general irrationality to these triggers, and I  collapse and breakout in tears and incoherent wails: “Why didn’t I get any comments on my status!?”, “Oh, look at all the great places they’ve been, why aren’t I doing anything exciting?!", "Oh those guys are sharing a joke and organising to catch up, but I'm just watching the conversation take place", etc. And there is no anti-histimine to stop this ‘allergic reaction’, I must simply log-off and stay off.

 

Though like many people with allergies, I still crave the very thing I am allergic to, despite the dire consequences of exposing myself to it. Facebook does have its uses, such as ‘keeping in contact’ with ‘friends’ all over the world, and I really wish I could use it like any normal person of this day-in-age does, but alas, it takes a toll on my mental health that I do not wish to experience on a daily basis. So no more Facebook. And I’m sure as hell not allowing myself anywhere near Twitter!

 

I will, however, allow myself to to use LiveJournal for the reason that it is not a website in the same vein as Facebook and Twitter - it does not revolve around people constantly shoving their lives in my face whether I ASKED to know about them or not, every time I log-in. If I WANT to read about about people’s lives I have the option, and if I just want to write blogs like this, I can. People can then choose to read it or not. Most likely not. But at least the lack of interest won’t be rubbed in my face by being forced to see exactly what/who people ARE more interested in, and I won’t go into some form of anaphylactic shock.

 

I think I should probably start writing journal entries. I actually joined LiveJournal for the online communities with people I can relate to, but I think I should start on the journal part too. After all, I like to write, I have a bit to say, so why not just put it out there in 'Cyberspace' and see how it goes? Ok, that's it for now, I'll be back soon with a real journal entry hopefully!